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Erotica by Joe Tortuga

Review: The urJoy Orgasm Summoner

(Halloween, magic)

October 18, 2013

Hello readers! Rosie Risqué here again with another sex toy review, this month the urJoy Orgasm Summoner.

When urJoy contacted me and asked me to review their latest toy, I jumped at the chance. Anyone reading this blog will know that urJoy makes the highest quality luxury sex toys in the world. Also, their price tag puts them out of the range of anyone who isn’t a fabulously wealthy and/or a sex blogger. So when they offered to send me one, I literally jumped at the chance, one hand caressing my nipple with the other on my greedy clit while I jumped up and down..

I’d almost forgotten about the request, which came months ago, but a mysterious box arrived just a few days ago — just in time for Halloween.The box itself was wooden with intricate carvings that reflected the light, almost seeming to glow on their own. The carvings were in the shape of a pentagram with the words “urJoy Orgasm Summoner / for when a phallus is not enough!” written around the circle itself in a fancy runic script.

Opening the box, the Summoner lay nestled in a soft velvet compartment. It looked mostly like a cock ring with vibrating egg attachment, and made me wonder if I should have gotten the aid of an adoring fan to test this one out. The enclosed instruction booklet (more about that later) made it clear that the urJoy Orgasm Summoner was meant to be a solo-use toy.

Pulling out the Summoner, I found that it was made of urJoy’s classic and exquisite material that I’ve always enjoyed, and feels excellent against my skin. What first looked like pleasure ridges turned out to be more runes, the majority of which ran around the ring in a flowing and unreadable script.

There was a small compartment for several condoms, which was strange, but which I learned are vital to the proper functioning of the urJoy Orgasm Summoner. The condom packaging listed the brand name as the “urJoy Conjorom” and has the same pentagram-like circle stamped on it.. On top of it all there was a small booklet, which had the words “ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT! Read before using the urJoy Orgasm Summoner, on pain of your soul!” I’m not sure how pure the the soul of a sexblogger is, but I decided to take their advice.

The book advised three important safe sex rules (safer sex rules being the few I always follow!) First, to always use one of the Conjurom brand condoms on the ring of the urJoy Orgasm Summoner. Second, while using the Summoner, to be certain that the ring was in line with your “preferred penetrative orifice.” Third, be sure to use plenty of lube. That last is always good advice, in my book.

Finally, the book lists several small chants that can be used to “exponentially increase operator’s satisfaction.” I won’t repeat it here, but if you get your own urJoy Orgasm Summoner,it is included in the booklet. Personally I used the one marked for a “Full-filling Experience.”

I lit a few candles around the room, and put on some quiet music. I pulled out one of the Conjurom condoms, and opened it up. As it lay flat, it also had a pentagram or summoning circle (Clair, one of my readers, says it’s actually a Solomon’s Circle! Thanks Clair, a bottle of lube is coming your way!). It was also shaped slightly differently so it could sit inside the cock ring of the Summoner, which had special flaps to hold the Conjurom..

If this all sounds a bit strange to you, reader, imagine how I felt doing it! Still, I try to use the sex toys according to the manufacturer’s specifications at least the first time, just to be sure I give them the fairest shake of all. And this time, I can say it was totally worth it.

I lay back on my bed with my legs open (is there any other way?) I placed the vibrating part of the urJoy Orgasm Summoner against my clit, being sure that the ring encircled my wet (well-lubed) and hungry pussy. The vibrations were nice, and like all urJoy toys, it felt wonderful against my skin. The motor had enough oomph to send chills up my spine, and would have been good enough by itself.

That’s when I decided to start the chant.

The chant felt very secret cult-like, with a nice rhythm which I matched with movements of the urJoy Orgasm Summoner. I slid the urJoy up and down my pussy as I chanted. My free hand teased my nipple (as you do). Shocks went through my body as I was on the cusp of my first orgasm, then every candle in my room went out and relit. There was a tinge of sulfur in the air, as well.

I barely had time to register that though, as there was the distinct feeling of a cock filling me up. Not just any cock, either, a large thick cock.

I let the urJoy go and it stayed in place, held by an unseen force. An unseen force, I discovered, had hands which grasped and mauled my breasts. I reached up and I could feel the firm muscles of an invisible man above me. When I touched him, I heard the low and raspy demand: “Chant.”

I realized I’d stopped reciting the chant and I picked it up. He fucked me with the same rhythm, and I wrapped my legs around him to urge him on. As I chanted he became more solid, and I saw that his skin was a dark red. He had horns on his head and his tail caressed my legs as he fucked me.

As he became more solid, his hands moved up and held my hands down, and his forked tongue teased my nipples, and his sharp teeth nipped at my breasts. That, dear readers, is when I started coming. I gave up the chant, but it no longer seemed to matter. I’m not sure how long he fucked me — some time between fifteen minutes and forever. Personally, I spent the whole time coming or about to come.

Finally I could tell he was close and he pounded into me. He cried out, shouting out “Yess!” in a horrible and earthy tone, and I could feel him pulsing inside of me. I let out a scream and orgasm of my own, and then he was gone, nothing to think he was there, but a used (yet empty?) condom and the smell of sulfur in the air.

And a very satisfied Rosie.

I slept the sleep of the innocent that night, I tell you. Only I’m pretty sure I’m not. Innocent, that is.

The next morning there was no sign of him but the (completely) empty Conjorom and a few beautiful love-bites on my breast. The pentagram-marking on the Conjorom were distorted and distressed, and I felt sure they’d been responsible in restraining my demon lover.

A quick check of the urJoy website tells me two things. First, the urJoy Orgasm Summoner is easily one-third of the normal cost for an urJoy toy. The urJoy Conjurom’s however, come in a five pack, and are easily 5-10 times the price than normal condoms at your local grocer’s. Personally, I wouldn’t use the toy without them. But then I’ve got four more, and I plan to use every last one.

I give the urJoy Orgasm Summoner eight levels of hell out of nine, but only because of the limited uses and the lock-in for Conjuroms.


Rosie Risqué is an homage to Daisy Danger, who - as far as I know - has never summoned a demon for her own personal satisfaction.

Joe Tortuga

Written by Joe Tortuga a bisexual dominant erotica writer and programmer (he/him). Follow me on Twitter